Tuesday, 16 August 2011

M&Ms World - If Kafka made Confectionery

I like capitalism. I like popular culture. I like M&Ms. Therefore I presumed I should enjoy the new M&Ms flagship store in Leicester Square, right? CHRIST NO.

Situated below the W.Hotel (the gaudy monstrosity where Premiership footballers are accused of sexual assault and my friend once saw R Kelly in the lobby), it's 3 floors of chocolate, tat and fibreglass statues of commercial mascots.

There's a glorified pick and mix stall at the back where to can mix together all the many varieties and colours of M&Ms. Except you can't, because they don't have the crispy M&Ms. So this 'flagship store' actually has less choice that a newsagents in Shepherd's Bush. Fail.

Ooooo which colours should I choose? Oh wait, THEY ALL TASTE THE SAME.

To be fair, most kids there were just mixing them all together, rendering the whole entrprise pointless.

The rest of the place is dedicated to selling tenuosly branded pointless M&M crap. I think the cat collars might be the pointless of the lot.

Ok, maybe this is the most pointless.

Ok, may be these.

Then again, maybe these? Christ, it's all so baffling.

I love the idea that you are going to buy so much M&Ms tat that you need a BASKET.

Are you are crap British urban popstar? Maybe you are Tinchy Strider, or the one from N-Dubz that isn't Dappy or the slutty one? Want something to illustrate your undeserved wealth and your horrible lack of subtly and taste? Then why not buy a diamond encrusted credit card holder with the M&Ms characters on it?

Who the hell pays £750 for a porcelain model of M&Ms on a roller-coaster?

Gifts 'for her'.

This is the worst jacket in the world.

On the walls, there are help diagrams about the history of the M&Ms characters.

These two now get reparations from the other M&Ms


It would appear that in the late 1980s, the green M&M had a sex change.

She's much happier she's now that's she's the right gender.

Don't you love that we live in the age where you can easily buy a 500 piece jigsaw of a sexy chocolate sweet?

I'll be honest, after a couple of drinks, I definitely would.

Bloody female referees. Keys and Gray were right.

Gawd bless her soul.

I have no idea what this was. I was glad it was broken.

Helpful postscript: If you go to the rather excellent Prince Charles Cinema round the corner, they have crispy M&Ms.

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